My life is a Garden

After about 3 weeks of being sick with “the new flu” I started to feel down. This happened to me from time to time, something I have been repeating since childhood. The self-judgment and doubts appeared. I wasn’t feeling well physically; I hadn’t been doing what I normally would do to help me stay aligned and present. So I decided to go to the garden, even if I didn’t feel strong and energetic enough to do the kind of physical work I needed to do there; de-weeding, preparing the beds for Spring, planting, digging, clearing old vegetation, etc. I decided to take it slow, and I did a little at a time. It made me feel much better to get out of the house and to breathe the fresh air. There is something about being in nature that is naturally healing*.

One afternoon there I was having the same judgmental thoughts about myself: “What I should be doing”, “how I wasn’t producing fast enough the work that I “should be doing”, etc. 

And then it dawned on me how I come to the garden everyday, or almost everyday, and I do one or two hours of work, and things get done, little by little, one day at a time. After sometime I can see the results, but not the first day I plant a seed, or the time I clear a bed for planting.

Everyday I do a little work, and after a while I pick the harvest, I see the results. (Some things work out and bloom and fruit, some things don’t, and I don’t get mad at myself for it.)

I also do this without a lot of expectation, with a general plan or idea, but knowing that Nature will also do its thing, it’s a collaboration, and I can’t control the outcome. (When I began gardening I thought I could control more of the results, but I quickly realized that I couldn’t, that is not how nature or life works, you can only “control” yourself). Another key detail about it is that I mostly enjoy the work that I do there. I enjoy being outside, looking at the flowers, breathing the fresh air, sweating, moving, etc. It feels good while I’m doing it.

So why do I get mad at myself if I don’t see results in my work as fast as I would like? And doesn’t all this self-judgment produce the opposite? Yes, it brings me down, it gives me doubts, it makes me feel less of myself and gives me feelings of low self-esteem. So this doesn’t work (all this “blaming myself” kind of thinking), it doesn’t benefit me at all, or the results I would like to create.

What if I did a little at a time, without big expectations, enjoying the work. With a clear plan or idea of what I would like to achieve, yes, but being open to surprises, ideas, opportunities and more creative expansion. What if I believed that being present, going with the flow, doing a step at a time will get me to where I want to be and it might also bring me more, more of what I don’t even know I want. Because if I stay open, other wonderful things can come my way!

So like my Garden, I treat myself with more love and care now, and patience for it all. I give myself time to grow and to flourish. I block out the “haters” in my head, the beliefs that no longer serve me, because, if it doesn’t feel good/ if it doesn’t help me, it doesn’t help create the life that I want, why on Earth would I spend time thinking those thoughts?! Just become aware and let them go.

Sprinkle seeds of Love and Joy in your head. Water a little every day. Treat yourself with Love and care. 

I love you.

☀︎ ☽